Incessant ramblings

I’ve never felt so rejected before, until this very moment when my whole family seemed to disown me. I regret being a bitter person; I guess I am just filled with so many insecurities in life. I thought I’m a tough girl but skin deep, I’m just an average lass who’s hungry for love and affection. There are so many issues hanging around me and a past that will always haunt me…

I always wanted to be love, be accepted of who I am but people around didn’t get that message. Whenever I’m all-alone, I find myself imagining a lot of sad stories and all these are stored in my puny brain. The story will always be about a girl who is so plain and simple who falls for a man who doesn’t love her in return. However, I have a difficulty making a happy ending for my characters. They are just like me, I always fall for a man who barely gives me a glance and because of that I have always wished to be beautiful and wanted. They say beauty is superficial and what is of great importance is the character. Now, I really have a hard time agreeing to that. I guess beauty has a lot to do with being satisfied. Great physical appearance gives a sense of satisfaction and self-confidence. In my case I am neither beautiful nor nice. I am struggling with my weight ever since day 1 and to top that I am too opinionated for anyone’s peace of mind. Seldom, I have a tendency to hurt other people’s feeling because of my sharp tongue and I can’t help it because from the very beginning, I lack self-control.

When I read norman’s blog, he stated there that he wanted a slim, pretty, witty and tall girl. Well, so much for hoping a romantic and lasting relationship with this guy. Besides, what am I thinking? He doesn’t know me and even if I stand a foot away from him, he still wouldn’t recognize me. Yah, I know I’m quite pathetic and it seemed to get worse as I get a year older. For instance, when we had our OR rotation I saw this guy who immediately sparked my interest. He’s no brad Pitt look-a-like but he surely had my undivided attention. Unfortunately, my pretty and sweet classmate also likes my new found pursuit and it hurts me to see them together even during an operation. So that’s it! I’ve had enough of this useless admiration. Why do I always end up getting hurt? Well, that’s a tough question to answer. Maybe I need to let loose a bit, there’s no harm in being nice and sweet. I just hope I don’t sound sarcastic and hypocrite.

Like the song SPEND MY LIFE WITH YOU by Eric Benet and Tamia.
Can I just see you every morning when I open my eyes
Can I just feel your heart beating beside me everynight
Can I just spend my life with you

I know it’s cheesy but its true. Every woman is longing for someone to spend her life with and to finally found someone who would knock her off her feet. I am just like those women but I guess
I always get knocked off my feet and never had the strength to stand up.